“You must not let successes get to your head but also must not let the failure consume your heart”

The term failure tends to be associated with emotions like fear, disappointment, and anger. The fear of failure can hold us back from setting huge goals, working towards promotions, or even training for that triathlon you’ve wanted to do.

Failure does not mean your idea was invalid or that your dream was not good enough. Rather failure shows us there is something to be learned and that there is an opportunity for growth.

Many failures are the result of a goal being associated with a set time frame. Then when we fail to achieve the goal by that designated time, we chalk it up as being a failure.

I have set myself up for failure in the past by associating a goal with a specific, unrealistic end date. Alas, my goal was not met, and I was crushed.

Failure is Inevitable

Failure hurts. I will not sugar coat that. It’s a similar feeling to falling on your face, but that does not mean we should not take risks. Not meeting one, two or one hundred goals doesn’t give us permission to abandon them all together or to downsize your dreams to fit your comfort zone. 

Failure is part of the journey. Failure is good and sometimes even necessary. It allows for an opportunity to reevaluate and come back stronger, with a new approach and better reasoning.

The most important part of failure is that we get back up after we fall. We can learn from every mistake. Every fall is a chance to reflect on the actions that brought you this far, what worked and what did not.

You do not need to change the goal but rather the steps you took to get there. As such we can agree that failure and reflection go hand-in-hand to future growth.

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Where Does the Fear of Failure Come From

As a teacher, I want to teach the students in my classroom that making mistakes is okay. Making mistakes is how we learn. I hope to normalize failure and encourage reflection when it happens.

Sometimes I will make mistakes in my morning message or in a lesson to show that it’s okay for the students. I want to change our societal perspective on failure and our perception of perfection. We don’t need to always hit our goals the first time. Perfection is unrealistic!

I feel strongly that people need to be exposed to failure early and in a safe environment. A classroom is a safe setting for students to learn from their mistakes and develop this important skill. By allowing people to fail, we also give them the opportunity to reflect and grow.

Failure and Mindset

Not only does this mindset help us to learn from our mistakes but it also teaches us that it’s OK to take responsibility for them.

Can you think of any friends in your life that are never at fault for any problem?

These individuals fear failure and when it is their own there is a sense of shame. Failure is taught to be a taboo and that has to change.

Thomas Edison did not create the light bulb on his first try, he failed many times before he saw success.

I used to set goals with specific achievement dates for my business, in my fitness, and as a teacher. And guess what, I would rarely meet them. I was setting unrealistic expectations for myself, thus, setting myself up for failure.

Through reflection, Rachel Hollis’ RISE podcast and a lot of Rene Brown books I have come to recognize that setting goals are awesome, but that I do not need to set a deadline.

Failure is Necessary for Growth

According to Monster.com, there are three main reasons that failing is good. One, a failure to complete a goal is simply a redirection. It shows you where you should not be. Two, failing is an opportunity. A chance to reflect and reassess your approach. And three, failure is not fatal. There is always a chance to try again.

Failure is probably one of the aspects of life that people are most afraid of. But the truth is that everyone fails. It’s part of learning and growing.

Albert Einstein said that “failure is a success in progress”.

Encountering our fears and failures prompts the most necessary changes in our lives and businesses.

Using Failure

Forbes magazine urges society to take on a failure like a plague. We have been trained in schools that failure is detrimental to our success. So we are taught to avoid it and aim for perfection. (i.e. Gold star for the A+ you got on your paper, a scold for the C-).

Forbes concluded that society may portray failure in this manner because the pain which results from failing is twice as great as that which we gain from a win.

This explains why 99% of the population stay down after they fall. It’s the 1% who get back up and work through these defeats who eventually learn, grow, and find success.

Although failure can be painful and we’ve developed an aversion to it, it can allow us to unlock huge potential. But to do so we have to change our mindset regarding failure. We need to view it as a tool for success. It’s a tool that helps us to learn, grow, and figure out what works and what doesn’t.

Final Thoughts On Failure

Here is what I have learned and wish to share with you. Failure is inevitable. Rarely, does an individual approach a goal and accomplish it on the first try.

Don’t get discouraged. These defeats are simply providing you with opportunities to grow. Through taking some time to reflect before taking another shot we can come back stronger.

So remember this, set massive goals. Accept failure should it find you. Reflect on the lessons it teaches you. Strive to grow from it. And repeat this process until you reach success!

5 Ways to Overcome Failure

1. Accept the failure. Acknowledge that the outcome was not what you had hoped. This may be a bit painful, or a lot painful. The quicker you accept it, the faster you can overcome it.
2. Remeber, just because you failed doesn’t mean YOU are a failure. Instead of taking on a destructive mindset, know that with each attempt you take failure becomes less and less likely. This is because you are going to learn a lesson from each failure and move forward from it stronger!
3. Keep in mind that every successful person has failed. Overnight just isn’t a realistic route for the vast majority of us. Social media in today’s world can sometimes be misleading. We often only ever see the successes of the people we are following. Very rarely are failures put on public display. Don’t confuse people’s highlight reels on social media with real life!
4. Say that you failed outloud to someone. Sometimes this can be a huge release. When you share the defeat you experienced with someone else you are preventing shame from dictating your actions. So go ahead and release it. Failure doesn’t need to be a secret. By saying it out loud you take the power the failure has over you away.
5. Move forward. Yes, reflection is good. However, you do not want to spend too much time thinking about the failure before again taking action. Think about it. Learn the lesson. Then try again!

What’s Next…

As this is my first post on the Excellence Addiction: Life Design page I just wanted to say ‘Thank You’ for stopping in and reading my take on failure! I look forward to growing alongside you with every post I write!

Next week we will look at the importance of time. What is time and is there ever enough of it. We all say we are so “busy”, but are we actually? 

Until Next Time, stay healthy and stay excellent!

Kaitlyn

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