We all know that having an inability to let go of certain things can hold us back. It can prevent us from achieving our goals and living our best lives.

Because the costs are so high I took the time to write out and share the best method through which we can develop this skill. This will allow you to start focusing on what’s controllable and learn to let go of what you cannot change.

There is no universal solution for learning to let go of what you cannot change

Before we dive in, let me say that I’m not here to preach to you about some universal solution. The people claiming to have universal solutions are either lying or ignorant. There’s no such thing as a one-size-fits-all approach to learning to let go.

This is why I try to provide you with the information you need in my posts. This allows you to formulate your own solutions that will actually work for YOU. Learning to let go of what you cannot change has to be an individualized process. You’re all different and have unique challenges, strengths, and weaknesses. Thus, the solutions are also going to be unique.

I also won’t stand here and tell you that you’ll be able to master this mindset immediately. Nothing worth having ever came easy. The truth is that learning to truly let go of what you cannot change will take a lot of hard work and effort.

But heck, if you wanted easy, you wouldn’t be here now, would you? You wouldn’t be subscribed to this excellence addiction if you weren’t willing to invest in your improvement. You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t willing to work to figure out what life balance means to you. You’re here because you’re willing to fight for a good life as defined by YOU!

So let’s get started with a quick video!

Start by Reflecting

Your goal here is to try to assess what you spend your time focusing on. Do you spend time focusing on what other’s opinions are of you? Do you focus on past fights you’ve had with others? Are you wasting energy focusing on mistakes and errors you’ve made in the past?

These are all examples of things that you cannot control in the current moment. You can’t control people’s opinions, undo a fight, or go back in time and correct mistakes. So be conscious of how much time you spend focusing on these things.

Now to be clear, I don’t want you to forget about these things completely. Instead, I want you to learn your lesson from them. Accept them for what they are. Then continue moving forward with your badass self!

So far, a lot of these examples are retrospective. You could also spend time worrying about things in the future that you can’t control. Such as how others will behave or react to what you do. I know a lot of people worry about that, including myself.

Whenever I put a piece of content out to you guys, I never know how you’re going to react. It took me a long time to get over that.

But you must understand that it’s pointless trying to control things you have little influence over. Sometimes all you can do is control your own efforts and attitudes and reactions. So let go of what you cannot change. This will allow you to dedicate your energy to things which you can control and become much more effective.

Recognize Your Fears

I find that obsessively controlling certain aspects of your life often stems from some internal fear.

For example, people who try to control other’s opinions of them. They do this because they’re afraid of letting someone form a negative opinion of them.

Sometimes we’re so focused on these aspects of the outcome that we fail to see the big picture. If you’re always asking yourself questions like “how can I ensure nobody views me negatively” then often you will fail to pose the more important questions like “what would be the outcome if one person has a negative opinion of me?”

See the difference? One question focuses on the problem and fear itself. The second question, however, focuses on identifying the worst-case scenario. Often if you force yourself to look at these worst-case scenarios you will realize that it’s not that bad. You may even think it’s funny that you were allowing that fear to hold you back!

Just another reason you should give this a shot and begin to let go of what you cannot change!

Fix Your Thinking

This will be my final piece of advice on this topic, for today at least. Learn to identify which of your thoughts are negative and destructive versus those which are positive.

Ensure that your thinking and focus is directed towards solving the problem. Or, at the very least on aspects of the problem which you can control. This will prevent you from spiraling out of control and focusing on things you have no influence over. That negative thinking is far from helpful.

Try to always keep in mind that you control your own actions and responses. Nothing nor nobody else does this for you. Try to get out of the habit of saying things like “I hope my presentation goes well” or “I hope that I made a good impression”. The first statement reinforces the idea that you don’t have complete control over the situation. While the second would be an example of worrying about something you can no longer change.

Replace those statements with phrases like “I will perform great today” and “I gave it my absolute best shot and I’m proud of that.” These reinforce positive messages and focus on how you controlled the situation.

This subconsciously reminds you to focus on the things that you have influence over. It might take some time, but doing this should help you to let go of what you cannot change.

Wrapping Up

So I really hope that this post inspires you. Try to focus less on the things you can’t control and more on those which you can.

I think that this is very important. This skill has the potential to do a lot of good for those willing to learn it.

So remember, reflect on your current thinking and what you focus on. Identify the underlying fears causing you to obsessively control that aspect of your life. Then re-work your thought processes so that you condition yourself to focus more the right things. The aspects of the situation which you can control!

Follow these steps and you’ll be on your way to learning how to let go of what you cannot change!

Please, if you have anything to add or if this article helped you let me know.

If anyone is willing to share this content that would also mean the world to me. It’s nice to know that I have each of you as part of the Excellence Addiction community to support me. I’ll continue exploring these life wellness concepts every day because of that support!

So until next time, stay excellent everyone!

Best Regards,
Mark